Writing+Task+One+Corrections

Sartika - Excellent writing, this is better than Elementary 4 level. very good vocabulary and accurate past simple tense. There are only 2 problems from elementary level, one is prepositions of time and place (red) the other is about sentence structure, make sure every verb has a subject (blue)

People around the world always celebrate New Year. Usually, People celebrate New Year only ** on ** 31th December and 1st of January because ** in ** those days are holidays. Those days are very impressive day. Every place has different way to celebrate New Year. And of course in my village ** we ** have too. In my village people celebrate New Year by making a little party. That party doesn’t do by all of people in my village but only by youth people. **Not everyone goes to that party, only the young people**. ** On ** the 31th December 2010. I came back to my village in Ubud, Gianyar. And like we had done before, in the afternoon we gathered together ** in ** our public building in my village. In there, we prepared all of things that we use to celebrate the night of New Year. We made Balinese food and bought many drinks. Besides that, we also set the sound system for live band. We had many person **people** who can sing very well. I had special job, I set the lighting and some decorations. We were very enthusiastic prepared at all. **We prepared it all very enthusiastically** After ** we ** finished preparing it all, we went to each our house, to take a bath and a nap. __PUTU SARTIKA__

Putri - good writing also, quite descriptive. A few small problems with  past simple tense which are marked in red , but no problem as we will study this during this course. Some of your vocabulary is good but we would use it a little differently, these words are changed and in green.  Ask if you don't understand them. We can make your writing better by describing things more. For example, your big family - how many people? your favourite relative? Your aunt's delicious food - what was it? how did it taste?

I celebrate the new year at my mother’s hometown in Ubud, because there are many of my family. Not like at my home. I’m alone, my mom and dad have a dinner with their friend, and my brother I don’t know where he go. In my mother village, I didn’t do much thing, just watched tv and played with my brother and sister. But my aunt cooked some delicious food for us. So we eat together with my big family. I feel happy, if all of my family gathered. When the time was running at 12.00 o’clock, I and my brother and sister go out from my house to turn on the fireworks. There were so much fireworks, it’s so beautiful. About half an hour, after watching the fireworks we went back into the house and have a sleep. So that's how I celebrate the new year, not too excited but it's okay. __PUTRI SARASWATI__

I celebrated the new year at my mother’s hometown in Ubud, because we have a big family. Not like at my home where I’m alone. My mom and dad had a dinner with their friend, and my brother I don’t know where he go I don’t know where my brother went. In my mother ‘s village, I didn’t do much, just watched tv and played with my brother and sister. But my aunt cooked some delicious food for us so we ate together with my big family. I feel happy, if all of my family gather together. When the time was approaching 12.00 o’clock, my brother, sister and I went out from my house to set off the fireworks. There were so many fireworks, it was so beautiful. After a bout half an hour watching the fireworks we went back into the house and had a sleep. So that's how I celebrated the New Year, not too exciting but it was okay.


 * Widya - I'm not sure why you are in Elementary 4. Your writing is 99% accurate, with passive sentences, prepositions used well, possessive 's used correctly. There are no problems here that you need to think about. The only change I made **is marked in green **. Adverbs of frequency ( **usually **, always, sonetimes etc) come directly before the main verb, even in negatives sentences. Great writing well done. **

My family doesn’t usually have <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 110%;"> a special ritual to celebrate New Year, but this year we celebrated New Year together. On New Year's eve, my family were invited to a New Year party at dad's best friend’s house. There, we ate, chatted, and played with fireworks. After the party finished, we went home immediately. At home, we gathered and watched television while waiting for 12.00. When it was 12.00, we enjoyed the fireworks from the balcony. They were very beautiful. The sounds of trumpets, fireworks, firecrackers were heard from everywhere. The next day, we went to my grandparent's house, the whole family came too. We planned to go to the beach. My little cousins, and my little sister went swimming. The others, including me, we ate something at the restaurant around the beach. We ate so much, and my stomach was really full. I am very pleased when the whole family get together like that. That's how i celebrated the New Year 2011. <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 110%;">WIDYA LESTARI

<span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 110%;">Hamzah - there are quite a few problems here. I have only corrected one of these, the <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 110%;">past simple tense <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 110%;">. these are marked in <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 110%;">RED. <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 110%;"> We will study this in this course, but past simple is first taught in elementary 2, so it should not be new for any students at this level. This is the first thing you need to be able to do accurately. After that we can look at the other problems. Also, when you use the computer, after you write, use the F7 key. This will check grammar and spelling. All sentences begin with a captial letter. yours don't, please do it in future. Also, we don't start sentences with "and" and is used to join two parts of a sentence together. If you are not sure about the past simple, please go to the RC and make an appointment to meet with a teacher before class one day this week or next week.

this year i celebrate my new year only with my family__.__ for me new year eve not really important, i think its seem as always but i love celebrate something. in new year eve all family like my father, mother , and brothers and other, stay in my house in jambi, because my parent working in there so i must go there. so me roast some fish and shrimp on the backyard and roasted. and if already cook we eat together and take a picture. and we joke each other i think is really fun. i eat a lot of fish make my stomach really full, and before midnight i go to my friend place just to say hallo, because i miss them its like 3 month i not meet them in jambi because im in bali. and we joke each other say bad word each other too, i like joke with bad word with friend but they use that too but that still really fun. after that i go home and see firework with my family. and after the firework end i go to sleep. that how i celebrate new year eve this year

__BUDI HAMZAH__

<span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">This year i <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> celebrated <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> my new year only with my family. for me new year eve not really important, i think its seem as always but i love celebrate something. in new year eve all family like my father, mother , and brothers and other, <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">stayed <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> in my house in jambi, because my parent working in there so i <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">had to <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> go there. so me <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">roasted <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> some fish and shrimp on the backyard and roasted. and if already <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">cooked <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> we <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">ate <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> together and <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">took <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> a picture. and we <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">joked <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> each other i <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">thought <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> it <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">was <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> really fun. i <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">ate <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> a lot of fish <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">made <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> my stomach really full, and before midnight i <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">went <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> to my friend place just to say hallo, because i miss them its like 3 month i <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">didn't meet <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> them in jambi because im in bali. and we <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">joked <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> each other <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">said <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> bad word each other too, i like joke with bad word with friend but they use that too but that still really fun. after that i <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">went <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> home and <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">saw <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> firework with my family. and after the firework <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">ended <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> i <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">went <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> to sleep. that how i <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">celebrated <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> new year eve this year


 * <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 110%;">Overall an OK standard of writing Nina. Only one problem, which is you like to add **<span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 110%;">was **<span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 110%;"> and **<span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 110%;">were **<span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 110%;"> to your sentences when you don't need them but we will be learning this next week. You could try to be more descriptive... what did you cook on the BBQ, how did it taste, how did the fireworks look, how did you feel? **

I was celebreted new year with my family at home, we bought some of food we were also made barbeque and we ate together. after that, we played a card while we were waited the changed of the year, some of my family played fireworks to cheer-up the child's and made the situation at home became crowded, So, no one slept before 12 o'clock. But, at 11 some them went to kuta, but I stayed at home because I felt so Tired that night. I watched television for waited 12 o'clock and I slept after the new year came because the day after I must got up in the Morning. Nina

I was celebrated new year with my family at home, we bought some of food we were also made barbeque and we ate together. after that, we played cards while we were waited for the new year. Some of my family played fireworks to cheer-up the children and it made the situation at home become crowded, So, no one slept before 12 o'clock. But, at 11 some of them went to kuta, but I stayed at home because I felt so tired that night. I watched television and waited 12 o'clock and I slept after the New Year came because the day after I had to get up in the morning.

<span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">**Ana Maria** - good writing and you use some good grammar (present perfect, he has never been, I have been to). A couple of small <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">past simple mistakes that i have highlighted in red <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> and a couple of word or <span style="color: #0000ff; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">ocbaulary changes in blue

<span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">On 1st january all the people celebrate <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">d <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> __new year__ <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%; text-decoration: line-through;">in this day <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">,i was on holiday with my young brother in our apartment at __pondok indah__ denpasar.This day <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%; text-decoration: line-through;">is <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">was <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> my special day to celebrate new year together with him, it was the first time for my young brother,we were excited because it was unforgettable holiday in __bali.__ <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">In the morning the weather was sunny, <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%; text-decoration: line-through;">(we had a good ideas to arrived at our destination place that is a tanah lot temple) <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">. <span style="color: #0000ff; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">//(a bit confusing - we would say it like this// "we decided it would be a good idea to go to Tanah Lot Temple) <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> I have been to visit some interesting places in bali but he has never been there. Before the tour i prepared all things in my bag there <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%; text-decoration: line-through;">are <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">was <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">a camera,an ipod, a credit card and also sun glasses.Tanah lot temple has a beautifull <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%; text-decoration: line-through;">paradise <span style="color: #0000ff; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">view <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> we <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%; text-decoration: line-through;">feel <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">felt <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> happy ,after that we <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%; text-decoration: line-through;">go <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">went <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> home.that's <span style="color: #0000ff; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">how <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> i celebrated the __new year__ 2011. <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> Ana Maria

<span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">**Esther** - overall, good writing. it is quite accurate and past simply is mostly used correctly, plus you have some descriptive words (adjectives) <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">. I have made a few small changes and marked them in green <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">. Compare your words to the words I have changed and check you understand what was wrong. if you don't, please ask and I will explain it. it is better to ask via the wiki mail but i will not be using it again until Monday.

<span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Ten days ago all peoples celebrated New Year in the whole world. So did I..... The day before new year, on 31 December we went to the Rock. In the Rock we sang and danced together with claps ours hands. Everybody felt happy and enjoyed it. On 1st January 2011 at 08.00 am continued our traveled. We went to Benoa for cruise to Nusa Lembongan island. Nusa Lembongan was small island and traditional village. Used Bonty boat and spent money Rp. 310.000/people. <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">In insided it i saw balloons, Christmas tree, and the other ornament decoration. I took Balinese ornament and used in my head. Arrived in Nusa Lembongan island, we visited Celagi village and entered to cave. It was awesome cave. After that we went to the beach for played Banana boat and snorkeling. At 03.00 pm we were go back to Benoa. It was awesome holiday and the first time in my life. <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> Esther

<span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Ten days ago all <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">people <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> celebrated New Year in the whole world. So did I..... The day before new year, on 31 December we went to the Rock. In the Rock we sang and danced together <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">and clapped our hands <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">. Everybody felt happy and enjoyed it. On 1st January 2011 at 08.00 am <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">we <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> continued our <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">travel <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">. We went to Benoa for a cruise to Nusa Lembongan island. Nusa Lembongan <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">is a <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> small island and traditional village. <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">We <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> used Bounty boat and spent <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%; text-decoration: line-through;">money <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> Rp. 310.000 <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">per person. <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%; text-decoration: line-through;">In <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">inside <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> it i saw balloons, Christmas tree, and the other <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">ornaments <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%; text-decoration: line-through;">decoration. <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> I took Balinese ornament and used <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">it <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> in my head. After we <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">arrived in Nusa Lembongan island, we visited Celagi village and entered <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">a <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> cave. It was <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">an <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> awesome cave. After that we went to the beach <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">to play <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> Banana boat and snorkeling. At 03.00 pm we <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%; text-decoration: line-through;">were go <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">went <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> back to Benoa. It was <span style="color: #008000; font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">an <span style="font-family: Tahoma,Geneva,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> awesome holiday and the first time in my life